I recently joined the Advisory Board for the Center for Educational Improvement (CEI), an organization dedicated to creating caring, supportive environments for children in the very place they spend most of their time: school. While I admit I initially hesitated to take on another responsibility amidst an already full plate, this opportunity felt aligned with a mission I am passionate about. In particular, I’m so excited to bring a therapist’s voice, specifically a family therapist’s voice, to CEI’s important work.
In my first conversation with CEI’s founder, Dr. Christine Mason, we discussed what we’re both observing in youth today. The conversation felt too meaningful not to share. Though more anecdotal than data-driven, I continue to hear these same patterns echoed in conversations amongst clients, colleagues, and fellow parents. Thanks to some (slightly scary!) transcription help from GeminiAI, I’m able to share this lightly edited and expanded version of our discussion here.
What’s Really Going On With Today’s Youth? A Therapist’s Perspective
Dr. Christine Mason: From your work right now, what are you seeing as the big issues with youth?
Laura Goldstein: It’s hard to distill everything into one tidy narrative, but if I had to try:
So many adults (parents and teachers alike) feel worn down. Everyone’s trying to keep up with a system that defines “success” based on outdated, narrow terms. Our culture hasn’t revised that definition to reflect what’s truly meaningful or sustainable today.
Parents and Teachers Feel Burned Out, and It’s Affecting our Kids
The result? Adults are running on empty, struggling to emotionally connect with children in the ways they need. And when adults overlook kids’ emotional needs, kids struggle even more to meet the external expectations adults place on them. It creates a cycle: parents and educators lack the bandwidth to slow down, even though slowing down is exactly what could break the cycle.
We need to be more intentional about meeting each child’s unique needs. But right now, there’s no time to figure out what those individualized needs even are, let alone meet them. I really empathize with both sides: the adults doing their best to keep up within an impossible systems, and kids who struggle because the adults around them can’t consistently meet their fundemental needs.
The Cost of Overcommitment: When Youth Activities Compete With Mental Health
Where I live, most families generally meet their basic needs: food, housing, clothing. But I’m seeing more and more stress around the logistical challenges of modern family life. Parents juggle multiple kids’ overlapping schedules, often with minimal support, leaving them stretched thin.
And when it comes to youth activities, things are intense. Why do sports teams require three-hour practices, six days a week, with consequences if a child can’t attend? I’ve heard that some coaches don’t allow athletes to leave early for therapy and warn they will bench them or even remove them from the team.
This puts kids in a terrible bind: they must choose between participating in something that brings joy, connection, structure, and physical or creative outlets, or making time for therapy, homework, family, and rest.
Unrealistic Expectations are Draining Kids and Their Families
It’s a system-level issue, especially prevalent in high-achieving areas like the DMV, where success is expected across all domains: academic, athletic, emotional, social. And it’s simply not possible to excel in every area at the same time when there are only 24 hours in a day.
Our culture leaves little room for doing something “just for fun” or quitting once a need is fulfilled. Instead, constant messages bombard us, insisting that “successful people don’t quit” (insert sarcastic eye roll here).
School Counselors and Social Workers Are Also Struggling to Keep Up
Christine Mason: That’s such an important point. While CEI often works with public schools, where there’s an emphasis on providing mental health supports, we still see many of the same issues, especially around capacity.
Laura Goldstein: Absolutely. When speaking with public school counselors and social workers, they often tell me how overwhelmed they are. Their caseloads are too high to truly slow down and assess what a student really needs. A lot of interventions unfortunately end up being band-aids, quick fixes that may help in the short term but can create deeper issues in the long run.
Christine Mason: And how much of all this do you think is tied to kids’ uncertainty about the future? About where the world is going?
Laura Goldstein: That’s a big piece of it, yes. But I think many of these problems predate the current sense of instability. What we’re seeing now, things like economic stress, climate anxiety, political unrest — just adds urgency. It heightens that question of “what does survival even look like?” and blurs the definition of success even further.
Final Thoughts: Building a More Compassionate and Sustainable System
As we wrapped up our conversation, Christine and I circled back to a core idea: we need to reframe what success means. Not just for children, but for parents, educators, and our communities as a whole.
Success shouldn’t be one-size-fits-all. It should be defined by a child’s strengths, interests, and emotional well-being and not just by academic performance or extracurricular trophies.
And as adults, we need to support our kids by getting back to basics: connection, empathy, rest, play. And getting there, ironically or not, will also require those exact same things for adults too! These things are not “extras.” They’re the foundation!
Just look at Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs: we’re pushing kids to work towards their self-actualized adulthood-future, ensuring they will be “successful”, all while skipping the steps of fostering a [mentally/emotionally] healthy and connected childhood-present which ARE the building blocks for a successful future. This is psych-101 we’re talkin’ here!
The current system isn’t working: not for kids OR for the adults trying to support them. And if we continue down this path, no amount of structured achievement will make up for what’s missing. But meaningful change is possible when we slow down and listen: to children, to each other, and to our own instincts. I hope that with the help of organizations like CEI, we can build something more sustainable and prioritize connection, honor individuality, and redefine success.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
If this topic resonates with you, as a parent, educator, or mental health professional, we invite you to connect with us. At MCCC, we support children, teens, young adults and adults through individual, family, and group therapy designed to meet their emotional and developmental needs.
About the Author
Laura Goldstein, LCMFT is a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist and the founder of Montgomery County Counseling Center in Rockville, Maryland. Her clinical expertise is grounded in advanced training in evidence-based modalities, including Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Radically Open DBT (RO-DBT), and the Gottman Method for Couples Therapy. Laura brings a wealth of experience from working in both substance use and failure-to-launch IOP programs, and now leads a successful private practice alongside her team of dedicated associates. In addition to therapy, she offers speaking engagements, professional trainings, and expert witness testimony in her areas of expertise.
